Messages of Hope: Standing at the Threshold of Heaven...Part 3...Death and Theater

From the first day in Mr Hagerty's speech class I fell in love with being a performer. He opened a door for me to walk through that I myself could not see. It started me on a path for my life. I wanted to become a professional actress. He did tell me later in college,after I had told him my decision, that the lifestyle was hard and that I would better serve others and myself by being a teacher. But I knew that he wanted to spare me the hard knocks and disappointments that come with the business. He wished me well and said, " I will be there when you do your first show." But of course, you now know that was not to happen.

My love for the theater and the other gift I had would intermingle many times. Death and theater, stuff of plays and Shakespeare. Strange but true it was to be my experience in my life. You see the day my brother passed away I was to open in a show at the college. A Ray Bradbury piece called "Dandelion Wine". It is a sweet piece about a boy growing up in a small town.

My director called to say she would fill in for me because the part was not a big one but very important to the play. However, my parents and I had talked about the fact that Greg, my brother, would have wanted me to follow through with my dream. He felt bad that he could not be there because he was sick but now it was all over. I told my director I would do the play that night.

There is something about theater that is so symbolically correct. The show must go on as life must go on no matter what happens to you. I kid you not, because of the shock and death of my brother, I had not thought about the part. I knew it well and did not worry about lines or what I was to do. It was not until I wallked on stage did a I realize the ironic nature of what I was about to share with a theater full of people, some knowing what had just happened in my life and others not. You see I had one scene and I was an 92 year old woman about to die. The monologue was my death speech. The light came up and at my feet was the lead character my characters grand-son...his back turned looking up at me. The actor was my ex-boyfriend from High School and tears were streaming down his face. You see I was in class that day when the call came from the hospital that Greg had died and this young man, my ex-boyfriend, was the one who took me out of class and delivered the news. Now here we were in front of hundreds of people only hours later where I was in the spot light and was to die.

That moment is etched in my being forever. The quiet in the theater was uncanny. I could hear sobs in between the silence. And the thoughts behind the lines were so complex that there is NO way I can even explain them. It felt as if he and I were in suspended animation or in a bubble in another time and space with others watching. When I was finished I left the dressing room immediately for home. I do not think I even heard about the play or the performance and I am not sure if I ever saw Larry, my ex boy-friend, again. Life had changed forever from that moment on. It would be five year later that Mr. Hagerty's passing and another opening of a show would happen. Theater and Death were forever linked.